Two Years Wait
by blackfire93
Summary: Okay three facts about me, One I have fallen in love with Barney Ross, Two I have an actor playing a character I made up in order to sell my paintings and not worry about being discovered, and three there's 15 years in between me and Barney. There's a secret that I am keeping from the group and Barney finds out about it, What should I do? What can I do? What is my secret?


**THIS IS A TWOSHOT**

**Please read and review.**

I grabbed the rope that Barney had tossed to me, before he ran back to the front of the plane to keep it from crashing, and ran with it wrapping it around my left arm as I finished shooting the rest of the enemy's snipers off of the roof before jumping off the roof hanging onto the rope and swinging in the air as Barney pulled the plane up and started away. I begin to slowly make my way up the rope pulling myself up one hand at a time. "You okay?" Barney called back as I finally pulled myself into the plane and shut the door. "Yeah I'm fine." I replied secretly crossing my fingers behind my back. _"Dang sniper, at least it's only a graze."_ I thought to myself as I walked into the back area of the plane to hurriedly clean and cover my wound, glad that only Barney and I had come otherwise the other guys would have made a fuss. I felt the plane rattle a little but wasn't worried Barney knew what he was doing. I sighed and quickly used my lighter to disinfect the needle before sewing the wound shut. Okay so I exaggerated it wasn't a graze but it wasn't really anything that needed to be overly worried about besides Barney and I weren't getting along to well right now. To put it bluntly I am in love with him, I see him 'appreciating my body' when he thinks I'm not looking however because of the fact that there's fifteen years in between our ages he completely refuses to even think about there ever being an 'us'. The reason I know this is because I had been fixing a motorcycle for a friend of mine and none of the boys had known I was in the garage and they had talked about me. Specifically the fact that I didn't hide that I thought Barney was hot and definitely someone I would want a relationship with, the other guys were just like a bunch of older brothers. The guys were wondering why Barney didn't make a move since I was pretty open about how I felt about him, the guys surprisingly told him that he should go for it but…I sighed and used one of my knives to cut the thread before cleaning up the kit and putting it away and changing my shirt tossing the other one into my backpack before I took a seat in the back.

Ever since I had overheard the boys talking about me I had with-drawn a bit from them, just because when I loved, I loved completely and every-time I loved someone I got hurt which broke me just as completely as I had loved them and there was no denying that I was pretty close to being completely in love with Barney and since he obviously wasn't ever going to do anything I was trying to protect myself. I pulled my sketch-book out of my backpack and begin to draw whatever came to mind. I was pretty good and actually I was a well-paid artist under a different name, I had an actor pretending to be the person I had created so I could continue living my life the way I wanted while he was out there being Marcus Rovenoff, yeah I chose a guy's name come on it's the best way to hide, besides he himself didn't know who I was I had a homeless contact of mine keep an eye on 'Marcus' and pay him. The actor got half of the money that I was paid for each painting. I figured that was only fair. I sighed blowing my black, emerald and gold bangs out of my right eye as I looked down at my sketchbook. I was surprised to see that I had been sketching while I was lost in my thoughts but after I realized what it was that I had drawn I quickly closed my sketchbook and put away the charcoal pencils I had been using to draw with.

"Were almost there." Barney's rough voice called back, I didn't bother replying knowing that his meaning of 'almost there' meant another hour so I pulled out my mp3 player and stuck my earbuds in turning the volume up as loud as I could without blowing the speakers or my ear-drums and smiled when the song 'Light em up' by the Fall Out Boys came on. I started mouthing the lyrics and tapping my foot to the beat while I rested my head on the back of the seat. Several songs later I was beginning to get drowsy and decided to take a quick nap, figuring Barney would wake me up when we got there.

I woke up slowly from years of experience I kept my breathing slow and steady as if I was still asleep while I listened to see if there was anyone around, before cursing myself I had left my mp3 player on and all I could hear was 'Radioactive' by Imagine Dragons blaring in my ears. I was about to peek open my eyes when I felt a calloused hand brush my hair out of my face and the scent of axe and smoke I knew that scent so I let my curiosity keeping me in my 'asleep' position as I waited to see what Barney would do. I didn't have to wait long unfortunately after standing there for a minute he shook my shoulders causing me to 'wake up'. I did so quickly not wanting him to get suspicious since I always woke up quickly, just to add to the affect I grabbed the hand that was still on my shoulder and twisted it at the wrist, yanking down on it while propelling myself upwards my left hand going for the gun I had on a halter at my waist even before I opened my eyes.

When I 'saw' who it was I let go of his wrist and put my gun back in its holder before yawning and stretching then pulling out my earbuds. "I'm guessing were back." I stated as a question my voice slightly husky from just waking up. Barney nodded and stepped back as he turned to exit the plane first. I heard calls from the other boys asking how the mission went and blocked them out sticking my ear-buds back in as I hoisted my backpack up on my shoulder with a slight hiss of pain when I felt a stabbing in my side reminding me of my wound. I slipped quietly out of the plane and snuck off to my motorcycle thankful that I had made it for stealth and speed so it started quietly, and without looking back I drove off. I stopped by Tool's garage so he could finish my back tattoo and told him that I was going off on a solo mission for a few months and I would let him know when I was done. Not wanting to sound like a coward but un-willing to make the others think that I just up and abandoned them I asked Tool to let the others know, he agreed and I left. I stopped off at a gas station and filled up my bike before hopping on it and just going where ever the road took me.

_**Sometimes, late at night when I'm awake and your asleep I remember what my life use to be like, how I use to be. And I begin to wonder how I ever ended up like I have, and if there was ever a time when the choice came around again if I would make the same choice or … Then the time to choose over again did come, and I took one look at how my life was now compared to how it was then and I knew. I knew that I was going to choose, my old life over my new one. My past over our shared present and you knew there was nothing you could do to stop me. I saw that look in your eyes when you realized that I was leaving, I saw your mouth opened and your hand reach out towards me, and I watched you close your mouth, your hand falling back to your side. You understood, and with tears in your eye's you said goodbye, and with a smile on my face I turned my body once again feeling fully alive.**_

I sighed and sat back from the computer re-reading my second books last paragraph. "S' good enough for me." I muttered out-loud to my beta fish Gibbs. I saved the document and closed the laptop off. It was 3:42 in the morning and I had been up since midnight the night before, a sudden streak of idea's had hit me and once I started I didn't stop until nature forced herself to be heard then it was right back to my writing. "I wonder what the guys are doing right now?" I questioned Gibbs before shaking that thought out of my head it had been six months since I last saw the Expendables, their group name. I had called Tool two months ago and told him I wasn't going to be back for a year but if the Expendables were ever short one person or needed an outside assistance to have him give me a call. I haven't heard anything from any of them yet, and to be honest I doubted I would. The guys more than likely wouldn't admit it but they all looked to Barney as their leader and if he didn't want anything to do with me then they would respect him and not contact me either. I decided to get a shower and change my clothes before plopping down on the hard hotel bed. "What to do?" I muttered to myself looking around the medium sized hotel room. Scowling I got up and grabbed an already open beer from the hotel's mini-refrigerator and took a swig before putting my laptop in my backpack and setting it down beside the door. Deciding to go for a walk, I grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter as well as my worn leather wallet, mp3 player and several knives and a loaded Glock with an extra round of bullets which I hid under my baggy clothes, and the hotel room key then after I slipped on a pair of tennis shoe I walked out making sure to lock the door behind me.

As I walked down the street I put in my ear-buds and blared the music loud as I could trying to drown out the thoughts of Barney and how he could be in trouble or even dead by now. I lit up and took a deep inhale before letting it out slowly as I walked the streets. I knew it was pretty stupid to walk around Brooklyn New York when it was dark out and even stupider to do it while being un-able to hear but _"Who cares maybe I'll be attacked and have an excuse to kill somebody." _I thought darkly with a sinister grin before taking another drag, I was surprised to see that the cigarette was already done for. _"I must have missed the nicotine more than I thought." _I figured as I flicked the stub onto the concrete and just to be safe mashed it with my toe. I didn't bother to lit another one, I did try ever now and then to completely quit but so far it was a no go however I didn't crave more than one every couple of days. I begin to nod my head to the pounding of the drums when all of the sudden my mp3 player died. "Stupid thing!" I muttered darkly as I pulled out my ear-buds and looked down to shove them into my pocket, and ended up ramming into someone who was rounding the corner.  
I flew towards the ground because of the force and thinking quick I clutched my left hand behind my head to prevent myself from getting my skull cracked open while my right hand pulled out one of my many knives and was holding it at the other person's throat. I blinked when I saw who had knocked into me, then I laughed and dropped my right hand putting the knife away as I said, "I always knew you wanted me Barney but I'm not doing it on the street." Barney's eyes flew open even farther and he jumped up before reaching down to give me a hand. "Hey what are you doing here?" He asked, I looked pointedly at his hand which was still holding mine, which he promptly dropped before I replied, "I'm staying somewhere nearby." Barney grunted in reply and stepped back causing the light from a nearby shop to light him up and I felt my eyes widen when I saw the blood stain on his waist. "Come on." I said not letting him reply as I grabbed his hand and started back towards the hotel where I was staying. "Where's the group?" I asked as I led him down the streets and into the hotel, ignoring the look the idiot at the desk was giving us as I punched the elevator button and leaned against the wall trying to ignore how my heart was racing at being so close to Barney especially after not having seen him in months. "Their fine, this was a …personal thing." Barney replied his husky voice causing me to lock my knees so I didn't melt into a puddle of goo. I just nodded not trusting my voice and the elevator thankfully chose that moment to ding and the doors opened. I walked in and raised an eyebrow at Barney who was standing just outside the elevator doors, then I remembered the whole reason I left. I'm pretty sure my eyes became glaciers and frost formed in my tone, "Get in Barney I'm not going to jump you I just want to make sure you don't die from blood loss." I all but growled out.

I saw the tips of Barney's ears go red as I correctly guessed what he was thinking. The ride up was silent and when the doors opened I didn't bother waiting for him I stormed out of the elevator and down the hallway to my room, opening the door I flipped on the light and started to pull off my shoes not bothering to hold the door open. By the time Barney opened the door I already had my first aid kit spread out on my bed. "Sit down." I said motioning to the only chair in the room, "You're going to need to take off your shirt so I can see the wound." I said barely restraining myself from rolling my eyes when I realized he either didn't realize that he had to take off his shirt or was being childish and didn't want to. "I always knew you wanted me but I don't want to do it while I'm injured." Barney said with a smirk as he pulled off his shirt. I did roll my eye's at this and just barely kept my face from going red at the sight of a shirtless Barney, _"Dang he's got a hot body!" _I thought mentally taking a picture before getting down to business and checking out his wound luckily it wasn't something that needed a hospital so after cleaning it I sewed it up and then wrapped it up. "Do you want to call one of the boys?" I asked as I finished putting away the first aid kit and washing my hands to get rid of the blood. When Barney didn't respond I quickly dried my hands and walked into the room and discovered Barney holding my sketchbook a hooded look in his eyes. Angry and embarrassed and I stormed over to him and jerked the sketchbook out of his hands, "Keep your hands off of my things!" I said, I couldn't face him so I turned and left my hotel room for the second time that night. At least I would have if two large and calloused hands hadn't wrapped around my waist and pulled me back into a hard chest and stomach. "Let me go." I said struggling against him not wanting to hurt him but not wanting to spend another moment in his presence he had seen my drawings he knew. "How long?" Barney asked. I didn't reply but continued to struggle against him. This time it was Barney who nearly growled he turned me around and slammed my back into the hotel door, "How long?!" Barney demanded. I glared at him, "None of your business! Leave me alone!" I shouted at him managing to shove him away I whirled around grabbing the door handle but a hand slammed against the door causing it to slam shut. I wanted to scream at him, hit him, curse him, hurt him, but I couldn't force myself to even face him so I stayed with my back towards him I leaned my head against the door.

I heard Barney take a deep breath before he rested his head on my shoulder, "How long?" He asked again his voice barely above a whisper. I bit my lip and closed my eyes' as I admitted, "Two years." My voice empty all my emotions just flat-lined as I admitted the truth for the first time to another living soul. "Why didn't you tell us?" Barney asked his voice thick. At this I laughed sarcastically, "Yeah because that would have gone over really well. Hey everyone I'm dying, pass me a beer please." I said my voice full of bitterness. Barney turned me around and I glared at him but didn't bother fighting. "You could have told us we could of..." "What. You could have what? Had pity sex with me? Made sure to treat me like a frail little princess? Given me pity looks 24/7? Tried to give me meaningless words of comfort?" I said my voice shouting by the end as I glared at him. "We could have done something!" Barney hollered back. I laughed at that, "Yeah sure whatever will help you sleep better Barney Ross." I said shoving him off of me before grabbing my backpack. "You stay here, I've already paid for tonight." I said before opening the door. "Wait!" Barney said grabbing my shoulder, I whirled around slamming my fist into his cut and gave him a sharp upper-cut when he doubled over. I watched as he fell to the floor unconscious. "Good-bye Barney." I whispered before shutting the hotel door and running down the steps hopping onto my motorcycle and leaving for place's unknown.


End file.
